This is a poem that came out when i was trying to express the stinging pain in my heart.

If i took a knife
and put it to my wrist
would the ache  in my heart go away
or just become fainter
until i collapse
from the pain you've bestowed
on a 14 year old girl.
since she was 8.
it happened after we moved
from the watchful eye
of grandma tara
i didn't understand
i guess you could say i still dont
but fuck this still hurts
more than ever
6 years later
when i held the knife
pressed it to my skin
watched my hand waver
and throw the knife across the room.
now entranced with my pure unmared skin
still whole
still pieced together
still not broken...
Still not reflecting whats on the inside.
Mocking me,
maybe i should just do it
maybe i should believe there's something worth waiting for
maybe i should put that knife to better use
At least i know they'll be a next time,
and i can make these choices then, instead of now, cause right now
i want my mommy.
i want the person who's supposed to love me to love me.
i can deal with not having a father, but its not fair to have to deal with not having a mother either.

the pain in my heart is still there
i just hope one day it won't be.