This is a poem that came out when i was trying to express the stinging pain in my heart.

If i took a knife
and put it to my wrist
would the ache  in my heart go away
or just become fainter
until i collapse
from the pain you've bestowed
on a 14 year old girl.
since she was 8.
it happened after we moved
from the watchful eye
of grandma tara
i didn't understand
i guess you could say i still dont
but fuck this still hurts
more than ever
6 years later
when i held the knife
pressed it to my skin
watched my hand waver
and throw the knife across the room.
now entranced with my pure unmared skin
still whole
still pieced together
still not broken...
Still not reflecting whats on the inside.
Mocking me,
maybe i should just do it
maybe i should believe there's something worth waiting for
maybe i should put that knife to better use
At least i know they'll be a next time,
and i can make these choices then, instead of now, cause right now
i want my mommy.
i want the person who's supposed to love me to love me.
i can deal with not having a father, but its not fair to have to deal with not having a mother either.

the pain in my heart is still there
i just hope one day it won't be.

Fears

You're not scared of the dark,

You're scared of what's in it.



You're not afraid of heights,

You're afraid of pain from falling.



You're not afraid of people around you,

You're just afraid of rejection.



You're not afraid of love,

You're just afraid of not being loved back.



And you're not afraid to try again,

You're just afraid of getting hurt for the same reason.

I heard something somewhat stupid today and thought I'd share it,

There is a "lie" in believe,


"over" in lover,

"end" in friend,

"us" in trust,

and an "if" in life.
 
 
Well I think theirs a ball in balloon :D.... ok wait i can do better AND I'll time myself. there;s a don in donkey ,(that took about 45 seconds) there;s a scar in scary(8secons) ... i think im getting better....thers a she in sheep (2 min)...k nevermind....
 
I give up, but i think i got some good ones.

It means something to me. Why doesn't it mean anything to them?

All these people were supposed to graduate with us. Not move away because they need a fresh start or because their parents have been transferred.  I may not have liked some of these people, but when we first started highschool, I thought, "This is it. these are the people I am gonna be spending the next 5 years with. I probably won't get along with all of them, or even get to know most of them, but we at least have something in commmon. This is our highschool." To me once you've entered our school, you've made a commitment to stay. They owe us something. Why is that so meaningless to other people?

It's Not Over Yet.

We're teenagers. We're still learning. Shit happens. We cheat, we lie, we criticize, we fight over stupid things. We fall in love and end up getting hurt. We wish we were 5 years old again. We bitch about our parents. We bitch about bitches being bitches. We do stupid shit. We make mistakes. We have regrets. We hate people for no reason, we call each other names. We stay up late having deep conversations, or stay up late just to think. We go out and have a kick ass time with our friends and those will be the memories. One day that's going to all pass. You can waste your time focusing on all the bad things, but one day you're gonna wish you were still a teenager. So make the most of what you have now, forget all the bullshit and drama and live your fucking life with a sexy smile on your face. Live. Cause it's worth it.

P.S. I know I'm usually cynical so appreciate this.

Damn

I can pretend it doesn't bother me, but it does.

Omg it hurts